Bereavement Professional

Bit of a lengthy post coming, but truly need some insight and wondering if others have experienced this issue as well..

We offer an OPEN monthly grief support group, some of our hospice families come as well as community members. We have 5, give or take, attendees that have been coming for 3+ years. I just recently took over the role of Bereavement Coordinator and facilitating the grief groups. Since I began in July 2018, I have had no less than 10 but up to 17 participants in this open grief group, which my opinion is a little too much to handle for one facilitator. We started offering an 8 week closed session this spring hoping to give some of the new grievers a chance to have a a smaller atmosphere and work through their experience and separate them from the monthly meetings; we are in week 4, with 5 participants - all except ONE is from our monthly grief group and they are still regularly attending both. As i said, we hoped this would separate the newly bereaved from our attendants who come to our monthly groups for more of encouragement/social hour. We truly love our "oldie but goodies" because they can be helpful to our new folks when they are going through a rough time in their first year, but 16 is becoming a regular amount of people and I fear it is going to do one of two things: increase the number of people in the group or scare away new members because of size. 

We have tried to identify those who regularly attend because of dependence vs coming for encouragement and socialization. We have talked to those long timers to see what they are looking for, and they have said they love helping the newly bereaved in their rough times and it is also their safe space/socialization. We have encouraged them to start their own group of some sorts, and while they haven't done that we fear they would still attend our group. 


All of this for my question, has anyone had this issue? Any possible solutions? We've discussed putting a cap on length of time attending but are unsure.

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Allison Urda, BSW
Bereavement Coordinator
VCU Health CMH
Community Hospice
------------------------------

I can relate. My open groups are not that large but I do have a couple of long term attendees as well. I am considering a closed group to discourage long term attendees but in your case it sounds like that did not work.​ Our group in a sister mission reiterates when reading the "group rules" that length of time is 15 months post death. It is a dilemna when your group gets so large and it is utilized as a social group rather than grief.

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Barbara Graisy-Adams, MSW, LICSW
Bereavement Counselor - Providence Sound Hospice, Lacey WA
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Original Message:
Sent: 04-23-2019 08:35
From: Allison Urda
Subject: Bereavement Support Group Attendance

Bit of a lengthy post coming, but truly need some insight and wondering if others have experienced this issue as well..

We offer an OPEN monthly grief support group, some of our hospice families come as well as community members. We have 5, give or take, attendees that have been coming for 3+ years. I just recently took over the role of Bereavement Coordinator and facilitating the grief groups. Since I began in July 2018, I have had no less than 10 but up to 17 participants in this open grief group, which my opinion is a little too much to handle for one facilitator. We started offering an 8 week closed session this spring hoping to give some of the new grievers a chance to have a a smaller atmosphere and work through their experience and separate them from the monthly meetings; we are in week 4, with 5 participants - all except ONE is from our monthly grief group and they are still regularly attending both. As i said, we hoped this would separate the newly bereaved from our attendants who come to our monthly groups for more of encouragement/social hour. We truly love our "oldie but goodies" because they can be helpful to our new folks when they are going through a rough time in their first year, but 16 is becoming a regular amount of people and I fear it is going to do one of two things: increase the number of people in the group or scare away new members because of size.

We have tried to identify those who regularly attend because of dependence vs coming for encouragement and socialization. We have talked to those long timers to see what they are looking for, and they have said they love helping the newly bereaved in their rough times and it is also their safe space/socialization. We have encouraged them to start their own group of some sorts, and while they haven't done that we fear they would still attend our group.


All of this for my question, has anyone had this issue? Any possible solutions? We've discussed putting a cap on length of time attending but are unsure.

------------------------------
Allison Urda, BSW
Bereavement Coordinator
VCU Health CMH
Community Hospice
------------------------------

That is a tough call. When I took over as BC for my hospice there were two groups going on that were open and seemed to be much more social in nature than grief-oriented. I found that when I took over they fell apart rather quickly, possibly because I had an agenda and goals for the evening, and also i think because the group partly served as counselor to our former BC. You can try to make the group more structured so it's not just the group running itself, which will keep it focused on grief and not just small talk. That may filter out some of those who don't feel any other need to be there. You could also simply end the group for a few months and start it up again, but I know that it's always hard starting a group again. You will undoubtedly meet resistance, but I think even that can be brought up in the group.
Original Message:
Sent: 04-23-2019 08:35
From: Allison Urda
Subject: Bereavement Support Group Attendance

Bit of a lengthy post coming, but truly need some insight and wondering if others have experienced this issue as well..

We offer an OPEN monthly grief support group, some of our hospice families come as well as community members. We have 5, give or take, attendees that have been coming for 3+ years. I just recently took over the role of Bereavement Coordinator and facilitating the grief groups. Since I began in July 2018, I have had no less than 10 but up to 17 participants in this open grief group, which my opinion is a little too much to handle for one facilitator. We started offering an 8 week closed session this spring hoping to give some of the new grievers a chance to have a a smaller atmosphere and work through their experience and separate them from the monthly meetings; we are in week 4, with 5 participants - all except ONE is from our monthly grief group and they are still regularly attending both. As i said, we hoped this would separate the newly bereaved from our attendants who come to our monthly groups for more of encouragement/social hour. We truly love our "oldie but goodies" because they can be helpful to our new folks when they are going through a rough time in their first year, but 16 is becoming a regular amount of people and I fear it is going to do one of two things: increase the number of people in the group or scare away new members because of size.

We have tried to identify those who regularly attend because of dependence vs coming for encouragement and socialization. We have talked to those long timers to see what they are looking for, and they have said they love helping the newly bereaved in their rough times and it is also their safe space/socialization. We have encouraged them to start their own group of some sorts, and while they haven't done that we fear they would still attend our group.


All of this for my question, has anyone had this issue? Any possible solutions? We've discussed putting a cap on length of time attending but are unsure.

------------------------------
Allison Urda, BSW
Bereavement Coordinator
VCU Health CMH
Community Hospice
------------------------------

​This is a common challenge in open groups and I feel it all goes back to consistent ground rules that are reviewed at each and every group at the beginning because with open groups you always have people who have been coming for a while and others who have never before attended. Because we too have encountered this exact problem when the group facilitator is remiss and does not cover this in the beginning, we always explain that our support groups are to help those in the first 1-2 years after the death as they figure out how to cope with the loss and adjust to all the changes that accompany the loss. We offer a closed 3 week series that we specifically call Newly Bereaved and we define it as being for people 1-4 months out from their loss. It sounds, from your description, as though  you offered a closed group and 'hoped' people newer into their loss would come but doesn't seem as though you specifically defined it as such which would be why you have people attending both.
    Since you have learned from the long timers the reason they continue to attend is to help others more than to help themselves, you could suggest they consider taking a break from coming to the group and instead sign up for the next volunteer training to become a hospice volunteer. After taking the hospice training you could train them to learn how to co-facilitate with you in your groups. In that capacity their role would be to share, from their own  experience with loss, the struggles they encountered and how they got through it, which is most likely what they are trying to do when they come to group now.  As you "grow" your group of trained bereavement volunteers you might also consider branching out and adding some social options for folks as well. That way when, in the future, you observe people are no longer coming for their own grief but more for the socialization you can redirect them to these other options instead of group. We offer a Men's Breakfast, a Ladies Lunch, and a Dinner Out (on a Saturday night). All these are coordinated by the volunteers, we just promote them in our newsletter, on our calls and when we meet with the bereaved. Works great, we have been getting more than 30 attending the Dinner Out lately.


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Patti Anewalt, Director
Pathways Center for Grief & Loss
Hospice & Community Care
Mount Joy, PA
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-24-2019 08:21
From: Samuel Blair
Subject: Bereavement Support Group Attendance

That is a tough call. When I took over as BC for my hospice there were two groups going on that were open and seemed to be much more social in nature than grief-oriented. I found that when I took over they fell apart rather quickly, possibly because I had an agenda and goals for the evening, and also i think because the group partly served as counselor to our former BC. You can try to make the group more structured so it's not just the group running itself, which will keep it focused on grief and not just small talk. That may filter out some of those who don't feel any other need to be there. You could also simply end the group for a few months and start it up again, but I know that it's always hard starting a group again. You will undoubtedly meet resistance, but I think even that can be brought up in the group.
Original Message:
Sent: 04-23-2019 08:35
From: Allison Urda
Subject: Bereavement Support Group Attendance

Bit of a lengthy post coming, but truly need some insight and wondering if others have experienced this issue as well..

We offer an OPEN monthly grief support group, some of our hospice families come as well as community members. We have 5, give or take, attendees that have been coming for 3+ years. I just recently took over the role of Bereavement Coordinator and facilitating the grief groups. Since I began in July 2018, I have had no less than 10 but up to 17 participants in this open grief group, which my opinion is a little too much to handle for one facilitator. We started offering an 8 week closed session this spring hoping to give some of the new grievers a chance to have a a smaller atmosphere and work through their experience and separate them from the monthly meetings; we are in week 4, with 5 participants - all except ONE is from our monthly grief group and they are still regularly attending both. As i said, we hoped this would separate the newly bereaved from our attendants who come to our monthly groups for more of encouragement/social hour. We truly love our "oldie but goodies" because they can be helpful to our new folks when they are going through a rough time in their first year, but 16 is becoming a regular amount of people and I fear it is going to do one of two things: increase the number of people in the group or scare away new members because of size.

We have tried to identify those who regularly attend because of dependence vs coming for encouragement and socialization. We have talked to those long timers to see what they are looking for, and they have said they love helping the newly bereaved in their rough times and it is also their safe space/socialization. We have encouraged them to start their own group of some sorts, and while they haven't done that we fear they would still attend our group.


All of this for my question, has anyone had this issue? Any possible solutions? We've discussed putting a cap on length of time attending but are unsure.

------------------------------
Allison Urda, BSW
Bereavement Coordinator
VCU Health CMH
Community Hospice
------------------------------

We started a weekly walking group at a nearby mall called Hospice Walkers decades ago. It is run by hospice volunteers. This group meets year round and meets the social needs of the bereaved. They walk the mall and then have coffee; they often set up breakfasts, dinners, bowling nights, etc. Even in this group we have had to start "newly bereaved walking groups" on different days because those further out in their grief are laughing and sharing and this can make newly bereaved people feel uncomfortable. There are definite social needs which are different from grief support needs. We run time limited groups in the fall and spring for grief support; I would suggest that you include only those who have had a loved one die in the past year into those groups.

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Linda Clark, LCSW
Bereavement Counselor
Hospice and Palliative Care, Inc.
New Hartford, NY
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-23-2019 08:35
From: Allison Urda
Subject: Bereavement Support Group Attendance

Bit of a lengthy post coming, but truly need some insight and wondering if others have experienced this issue as well..

We offer an OPEN monthly grief support group, some of our hospice families come as well as community members. We have 5, give or take, attendees that have been coming for 3+ years. I just recently took over the role of Bereavement Coordinator and facilitating the grief groups. Since I began in July 2018, I have had no less than 10 but up to 17 participants in this open grief group, which my opinion is a little too much to handle for one facilitator. We started offering an 8 week closed session this spring hoping to give some of the new grievers a chance to have a a smaller atmosphere and work through their experience and separate them from the monthly meetings; we are in week 4, with 5 participants - all except ONE is from our monthly grief group and they are still regularly attending both. As i said, we hoped this would separate the newly bereaved from our attendants who come to our monthly groups for more of encouragement/social hour. We truly love our "oldie but goodies" because they can be helpful to our new folks when they are going through a rough time in their first year, but 16 is becoming a regular amount of people and I fear it is going to do one of two things: increase the number of people in the group or scare away new members because of size.

We have tried to identify those who regularly attend because of dependence vs coming for encouragement and socialization. We have talked to those long timers to see what they are looking for, and they have said they love helping the newly bereaved in their rough times and it is also their safe space/socialization. We have encouraged them to start their own group of some sorts, and while they haven't done that we fear they would still attend our group.


All of this for my question, has anyone had this issue? Any possible solutions? We've discussed putting a cap on length of time attending but are unsure.

------------------------------
Allison Urda, BSW
Bereavement Coordinator
VCU Health CMH
Community Hospice
------------------------------

Alison,

I had the exact situation you are experiencing and created a 4 week curriculum based group (a sort of Grief 101 group.class) to give new grievers the space they needed.  There are 2 important criteria you need to implement to make it successful and keep your oldies but goodies in the social group they have created and not glomb onto the new group.

1.  Make it available only to those who have experienced a significant loss within the past 12 months.

2.  They must register through your office in order to attend..  This gives you the ability to gently tell your other group members that this is specifically for new grievers.  They will grumble at first but get used to the new group system.  It's also a good way to screen potential group members (ours is open to the community).  I have been able to identify those who could potentially be disruptive by referring them to more appropriate support.

Good luck!  When it works, it's a dream!  I have my drop in support group for those who need it as a social group and my curriculum based group for those who need to be with others that are experiencing similar issues in the grief landscape because they are new to it.

------------------------------
Mary Kay LeFevour
Bereavement Specialist
Tucson Medical Center Hospice
marykay.lefevour@tmcaz.com
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 04-23-2019 08:35
From: Allison Urda
Subject: Bereavement Support Group Attendance

Bit of a lengthy post coming, but truly need some insight and wondering if others have experienced this issue as well..

We offer an OPEN monthly grief support group, some of our hospice families come as well as community members. We have 5, give or take, attendees that have been coming for 3+ years. I just recently took over the role of Bereavement Coordinator and facilitating the grief groups. Since I began in July 2018, I have had no less than 10 but up to 17 participants in this open grief group, which my opinion is a little too much to handle for one facilitator. We started offering an 8 week closed session this spring hoping to give some of the new grievers a chance to have a a smaller atmosphere and work through their experience and separate them from the monthly meetings; we are in week 4, with 5 participants - all except ONE is from our monthly grief group and they are still regularly attending both. As i said, we hoped this would separate the newly bereaved from our attendants who come to our monthly groups for more of encouragement/social hour. We truly love our "oldie but goodies" because they can be helpful to our new folks when they are going through a rough time in their first year, but 16 is becoming a regular amount of people and I fear it is going to do one of two things: increase the number of people in the group or scare away new members because of size.

We have tried to identify those who regularly attend because of dependence vs coming for encouragement and socialization. We have talked to those long timers to see what they are looking for, and they have said they love helping the newly bereaved in their rough times and it is also their safe space/socialization. We have encouraged them to start their own group of some sorts, and while they haven't done that we fear they would still attend our group.


All of this for my question, has anyone had this issue? Any possible solutions? We've discussed putting a cap on length of time attending but are unsure.

------------------------------
Allison Urda, BSW
Bereavement Coordinator
VCU Health CMH
Community Hospice
------------------------------