Bereavement Professional

Hello,  
     Part of the 'rules' we review at the start of our open support groups is to explain our bereavement support is geared towards helping people adjust and learn how to cope in the first "year or two" after a death.  We don't want to foster a dependency on us or the group and view it as healthy to recognize their progress over the months and acknowledge they no longer need to attend.
     From time to time we've had to take someone aside who has attended a long while and, despite this announcement at each group, continues to attend. We gently review the progress they have made over the course of time since they started attending and remind them that the focus and purpose of the groups is to help them the first year or 2. We would like to know what kinds of positive affirming rituals or 'rites of passage' others have used to make this transition in a positive way out of our open groups?  I'm hoping some programs have come up with something that works well.....?
​

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Patti Anewalt, Director
Pathways Center for Grief & Loss
Hospice & Community Care
Mount Joy, PA
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This is so important. We don't have any specific rituals but I look forward to responses that we can employ also. We do have social groups (dinner/meal) that we encourage them to start attending if they feel ready. But I like the concept of a ritual. I know Kenneth Doka talks about the importance of rituals, I am wondering if he might have suggestions or ideas of what he has done.

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Karen Monts
Director, Grief Support Services & Practice Manager, Counseling Services
Northstar Care Community
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Original Message:
Sent: 02-04-2020 11:35
From: Patti Anewalt
Subject: transitioning people out of open groups

Hello,
     Part of the 'rules' we review at the start of our open support groups is to explain our bereavement support is geared towards helping people adjust and learn how to cope in the first "year or two" after a death.  We don't want to foster a dependency on us or the group and view it as healthy to recognize their progress over the months and acknowledge they no longer need to attend.
     From time to time we've had to take someone aside who has attended a long while and, despite this announcement at each group, continues to attend. We gently review the progress they have made over the course of time since they started attending and remind them that the focus and purpose of the groups is to help them the first year or 2. We would like to know what kinds of positive affirming rituals or 'rites of passage' others have used to make this transition in a positive way out of our open groups?  I'm hoping some programs have come up with something that works well.....?
​

------------------------------
Patti Anewalt, Director
Pathways Center for Grief & Loss
Hospice & Community Care
Mount Joy, PA
------------------------------

Great idea, stay tuned, I just emailed him.....

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Patti Anewalt, Director
Pathways Center for Grief & Loss
Hospice & Community Care
Mount Joy, PA
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 02-07-2020 16:51
From: Karen Monts
Subject: transitioning people out of open groups

This is so important. We don't have any specific rituals but I look forward to responses that we can employ also. We do have social groups (dinner/meal) that we encourage them to start attending if they feel ready. But I like the concept of a ritual. I know Kenneth Doka talks about the importance of rituals, I am wondering if he might have suggestions or ideas of what he has done.

------------------------------
Karen Monts
Director, Grief Support Services & Practice Manager, Counseling Services
Northstar Care Community

Original Message:
Sent: 02-04-2020 11:35
From: Patti Anewalt
Subject: transitioning people out of open groups

Hello,
     Part of the 'rules' we review at the start of our open support groups is to explain our bereavement support is geared towards helping people adjust and learn how to cope in the first "year or two" after a death.  We don't want to foster a dependency on us or the group and view it as healthy to recognize their progress over the months and acknowledge they no longer need to attend.
     From time to time we've had to take someone aside who has attended a long while and, despite this announcement at each group, continues to attend. We gently review the progress they have made over the course of time since they started attending and remind them that the focus and purpose of the groups is to help them the first year or 2. We would like to know what kinds of positive affirming rituals or 'rites of passage' others have used to make this transition in a positive way out of our open groups?  I'm hoping some programs have come up with something that works well.....?
​

------------------------------
Patti Anewalt, Director
Pathways Center for Grief & Loss
Hospice & Community Care
Mount Joy, PA
------------------------------

Original Message------

This is so important. We don't have any specific rituals but I look forward to responses that we can employ also. We do have social groups (dinner/meal) that we encourage them to start attending if they feel ready. But I like the concept of a ritual. I know Kenneth Doka talks about the importance of rituals, I am wondering if he might have suggestions or ideas of what he has done.

------------------------------
Karen Monts
Director, Grief Support Services & Practice Manager, Counseling Services
Northstar Care Community
------------------------------

Thank you, Leslie for that suggestion, I like it! Ken Doka's response was as follows:

Hi Patti

 You might want to consider some sort of graduation "transition" ritual that is positive and acknowledges their progress. However, an excellent model is a widows group I know (Now at my recommendation called "Surviving spouses") that has two groups -- one group people transition too is more social -- they do trips together and jointly sponsor with the grief group certain events like "How to Handle the Holidays." Such a model acknowledges that some people come to groups for fellowship 

Warmly

Ken

​So I'm thinking it could be a combination of things -- asking at the beginning of each group for people to indicate if it's their first time or, if they've been coming for quite a while whether they expect they are near the time of graduating from the group so we can know when it will be their last group because we offer a transition ritual and they have the opportunity to say their goodbyes and perhaps exchange contact information to stay in touch if they haven't already done so. Having a grapevine wreath and ribbons so they can write down strengths or insights they've gained from attending could be the ritual for those attending the last time. Something along those lines.....

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Patti Anewalt, Director
Pathways Center for Grief & Loss
Hospice & Community Care
Mount Joy, PA
------------------------------

Original Message:
Sent: 02-11-2020 17:08
From: Leslie Overturf
Subject: transitioning people out of open groups

Hi Patti –

 

Our Plan of Care for bereavement is 15 months.  At the beginning of our drop in grief support groups we have a welcome, review guidelines and then explain the length of time for our services.  We then invite group members to introduce themselves with their name, the name of their loved one who died and when they died.  We also ask them to indicate if they are near the time for graduating from the group.  We want to acknowledge those who are at their last group or close to their last group and encourage them to share what has been helpful to them from coming to the group, coping skills they've learned and then opportunity for group members to say goodbye and/or exchange contact information with other group members (which they are welcome to do after the group, not during the group session).

 

Historically, this time frame had not been implemented and the groups continued to grow in number and outgrew our meeting space.  We encourage folks to think of this time frame as a stepping stone to receive support, learn coping skills and build community.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Leslie

 

Leslie Overturf, LMHC

Grief Support Coordinator

Providence Hospice and Home Care of Snohomish County

2731 Wetmore Avenue  Suite 500

Everett, WA  98201

425-261-4773

 

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Original Message------

This is so important. We don't have any specific rituals but I look forward to responses that we can employ also. We do have social groups (dinner/meal) that we encourage them to start attending if they feel ready. But I like the concept of a ritual. I know Kenneth Doka talks about the importance of rituals, I am wondering if he might have suggestions or ideas of what he has done.

------------------------------
Karen Monts
Director, Grief Support Services & Practice Manager, Counseling Services
Northstar Care Community
------------------------------

​We run open groups for spouse/life partner and for adult loss of parent, the groups meets once a month. Participants are welcome to come 12 times, regardless of if the signed in at one month or six months. At the end of 12 times we have a ritual where we provide the graduating member with a "medal of courage" and a note signed by everyone who in attendance that night offering words of thanks for sharing and encouragement as they continue on their journey. I make the medals out of craft ribbon and a heart charm purchased at a craft store. In Van Gennep's book, Rites of Passage, he suggests three separate rites that are part any life transition, rites of separation, transition, and reincorporation to mark the end of the transition/reincorporation back into the community. We give the medal as an acknowledgement of their courage to face the loss and as a way to acknowledge that it will take courage to continue on their life journey without their loved one and without the group. Understanding the rites of passage model helped me to see the importance of some tangible object as token that acknowledges this important transition.

Additionally, I want to add that we also have a "Social" night and an "Informational" workshop every month as well. Folks who have graduated from the support groups may attend any information program or social night that are of interest to them. (topics/activities change month to month) This provides graduates with an opportunity to stay connected on a limited basis. We switched to this model a couple years ago and it has worked very well.

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ThomasDennis, D. Min., LCPC, CT
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Original Message:
Sent: 02-04-2020 11:35
From: Patti Anewalt
Subject: transitioning people out of open groups

Hello,
     Part of the 'rules' we review at the start of our open support groups is to explain our bereavement support is geared towards helping people adjust and learn how to cope in the first "year or two" after a death.  We don't want to foster a dependency on us or the group and view it as healthy to recognize their progress over the months and acknowledge they no longer need to attend.
     From time to time we've had to take someone aside who has attended a long while and, despite this announcement at each group, continues to attend. We gently review the progress they have made over the course of time since they started attending and remind them that the focus and purpose of the groups is to help them the first year or 2. We would like to know what kinds of positive affirming rituals or 'rites of passage' others have used to make this transition in a positive way out of our open groups?  I'm hoping some programs have come up with something that works well.....?
​

------------------------------
Patti Anewalt, Director
Pathways Center for Grief & Loss
Hospice & Community Care
Mount Joy, PA
------------------------------