Bereavement Professional

  • 1.  interventions to engage widowers

    Posted 11-18-2014 05:46 PM

    I have noticed that it is extremely difficult to engage widowers in any type of bereavement services.  Yet, it seems that their pain and loss is even harder than for widows.  .  Do you have any good ideas to hook these desperate men without having them troll for widows at the next support group?



  • 2.  RE: interventions to engage widowers

    Posted 11-19-2014 07:30 AM
    We host a once a month group called the "Good Grief Guys Breakfast."  We meet at a local restaurant for breakfast from 8:30-10:00 and we average around 18 guys or so each month.  I would say the average age of these guys is around 80 so I think that is pretty awesome.  Also we started a quarterly meeting where we combine the widows and widowers.  This typically includes a meal (each pays their own way) and we use a 3 panel themed posterboard.  Last year we purchased large paper snowflakes and had each of them write their spouses name and place it on the board.  At the end of the meeting each person went up and introduced who their spouse was, when they died etc.  Most ended up sharing little stories and the gentleman later said that this was the most meaningful part of the get together! 

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    Debra Shively
    Bereavement Counselor
    Center for Hospice Care
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  • 3.  RE: interventions to engage widowers

    Posted 11-19-2014 11:37 AM

    Debra, I'm curious how you were able to gather that many widowers that can attend.  Is yours a large hospice?  Is it open to the community and how do you draw them in if they come from the community?

    Thanks!

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    Merrie MacHose, MA
    Bereavement Coordinator
    Heartland Home Health Care and Hospice
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    Original Message


  • 4.  RE: interventions to engage widowers

    Posted 11-19-2014 02:41 PM

    The majority of the men who attend had wives who died through our hospice.  When we are making the calls for our assessment we invited them and quite often they take us up on that.  This is also open to the community, although the majority of attendees are hospice bereaved.  We are a fairly large hospice, our census as of late has been in the upper 300's and at one point reached 400.  On occasion the gentleman have invited a friend and while we have a pretty solid core group of men we have a good rotation of newer ones as well.  Our groups are also listed in the local newspaper which is how the community is informed.

    One of our Good Grief Guys makes monthly calls to remind the attendees and most of the guys say that without the reminder call they likely would have forgotten.  It seems that these guys really enjoy their monthly "fellowship!"

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    Debra Shively
    Bereavement Counselor
    Center for Hospice Care
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    Original Message


  • 5.  RE: interventions to engage widowers

    Posted 11-19-2014 04:05 PM
    Thanks, Debra.  Our hospice is about 1/2 your size, but I'll think about how we might make this work for us!

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    Merrie MacHose, MA
    Bereavement Coordinator
    Heartland Home Health Care and Hospice
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    Original Message


  • 6.  RE: interventions to engage widowers

    Posted 11-19-2014 09:09 AM

    Betty, I know exactly what you mean.  We had someone like that in one of our support groups this year.  The other widowers got the idea of the group...sharing and supporting others.  This man had difficulty hearing, which was the first problem.  His daughter brought him  and it seemed she was using it as a social outlet for him.  It was obvious he was grieving, but he could not grasp the idea of a support group.  I encouraged the daughter to get her father engaged at the local senior center.  We also deemed him inappropriate for future groups and had to explain twice to the daughter why this was so.

    The widowers that seem to do best, at least in my experience, already have an established informal group that generally meets for breakfast or coffee weekly.  I've often thought that a group established along these informal lines might be effective and just haven't known how to gather enough men together, keeping geography in mind  (we cover 3 large counties in our hospice) who would be willing to give this a try.  Perhaps someone in this group has been successful with this.  Meanwhile, I will continue to ponder ways and means for establishing this type of group.  My idea would be to initially get it up and running, provide a prescience for awhile and then let the men continue, once the supportive atmosphere is established.

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    Merrie MacHose, MA
    Bereavement Coordinator
    Heartland Home Health Care and Hospice
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    Original Message


  • 7.  RE: interventions to engage widowers

    Posted 11-19-2014 01:52 PM
    I have found some success with a Men & Grief group that I run. It is an open-ended, drop in group that meets one time/ month on a weekday morning. The attendance is small, but dedicated. We have coffee & donuts. The conversation is often about non-grief related subjects, but as a facilitator I try to find appropriate moments to bring the topic back to their grief & how it is affecting their lives/ how they can cope. I also feel that they are more open & have more opportunities to talk because there are no women present. Hope this helps.

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    Becca Frohardt
    Hospice of the Twin Cities
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    Original Message


  • 8.  RE: interventions to engage widowers

    Posted 11-19-2014 04:59 PM
    What an AMAZING idea to have a Men's Breakfast and then a Widow/Widowers Lunch & Learn type of offering!  Thank you for sharing!  When I read the initial post, I thought that hands-on volunteer project might work well to engage the widowers.  Men often relate through the use of their hands and love to create in meaningful ways.  When I was at Hospice Savannah we had a Rainbow Bridge and a Gardening volunteer group.  Many of the bereaved men felt a certain draw to serving and healing through using their hands.  One of our wonderful widowers came to find his healing through creating beautiful floral arrangements for our Hospice House residents.  We also encouraged Eagle Scout candidates to consider hospice projects, which would encourage others to help work on the project to engage creatively and connect meaningfully back to the Hospice program. Reaching out to others seems to really help heal those who are grieving.  We certainly don't want to push our bereaved into volunteering too quickly.  However, offering helpful ways for them to connect and express themselves is always good.  

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    Suzanne Wages
    CareSouth Hospice
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