Bereavement Professional

The place where we have held our service for the past few years does not allow for open flames so we had to adapt.  The service begins with the lighting of one large candle contained in a glass jar.  Instead of lighting individual candles, we have a "Book of Remembrance."  The patient's name is read allowed and the family comes forward to inscirbe the patient's name in the book.  Then the family member is given a small tokin gift, sometimes it is an angel or star orament, personalized bookmark, sun-catcher,etc.  We only call out the names of patients who have rsvp-ed for the service and then we invite others to come forward if they have additional names to write in the book.  This works very well and persoanlly I feel much safe than having all those candles!

Thank you Thomas for sharing this ritual with us.  I like this idea and will keep it in mind for future services.

We too are also not allowed to have open flames where we hold our Gathering of Remembrance. During our service, as each patient's name is read aloud, family members/friends/caregivers are encouraged to come forward and receive a carnation in honor of their loved one. After receiving the carnation, we give them an opportunity to say a few words if they would like.  

We still utilize a candle lighting ceremony.  We have a stand (like a set of stairs) with an equal number of candles to names being read (about 140).  We invite family members of those that are hear to come and light the candle when the name is read, otherwise a nurse lights the candle.  

In the past people had taken the candles home but the past few years they have not.  

We hold a Remembrance service twice a year. Originally, we were holding it on a Sunday afternoon but we noticed the number of people attending was declining. Our last two services were held on a Thursday evening at 5:30pm with about 300 family members attending each service. For the service we have 2 tables with a tiered set up at the front of the church with about 200 candles on each set up. We have a large pillar candle on the lower rung which is used to light the tapers. We encourage family members to come up while the names are being read to light a candle. At one time we gave a rose to each family member, but we are now offering a votive candle with the saying "We remember them" on the votive. At the start of the candle lighting we encourage the audience to take a votive and possible create their own remembrance ritual in their own homes. Included in the invitation is a small card asking family members to bring a picture or an article that reminds them of their loved one. In the reception hall we have a memorial table set up with flowers and candles were everything that was brought in is displayed. The service is followed by a light meal of sandwiches and pastry.

Thanks for your ideas.  We had our first ever memorial this fall.  We gave the families a small stone when they registered/entered.  Then when we read the name of their loved one we had them come up to the front and drop the stone into a large ceramic bowl which had sand on the bottom and water.  We gave away tulip bulbs in a bag with raffia for them to plant and watch grow the next year.  Families seemed to really like it.  We also had them bring photos to display on a memory table.  We held it on a Saturday morning.  Refreshments followed.

For our annual memorial service we read the names of the decease that have family in attendance. As the name is read we light a small battery operated votive. Then we lower the lights and a singer sings a song that captures the the moment. We give the family members a single red rose that is in a little water tube wrapped with a ribbon. Since we get less than twenty people I am thinking about having a slide show and offer the staff to share pictures of anyone they have lost over the year.

Thanks everyone for sharing because now I have more ideas.